Добро пожаловать в Россию
WELCOME TO RUSSIA!
It is important to all aspects of this fascinating and frustrating country we call Russia. The saying in Africa is "this is Africa" = T.I.A. In Russia, the only way to deal with frustrating, strange or overly beaurocratic moments is to shake your head and tell yourself "Welcome to Russia".
As Canadian hosts, we put together a "bucket list" of sorts to help make our visitors’ trip more complete. Aside from checking out the landmarks, we thought up a series of things to make the time in Russia more authentic - if nothing else, these will be good for a laugh!
1 - Make your way through security at a Russian airport.
2 - Have your photo taken with the bear mascot on Nevsky Prospect or with a real bear
3 - Buy patterned pantyhose from a shop in a Moscow underpass 
The Moscow underpasses (the ones for pedestrians) seem to sell everything. Patterned pantyhose are quite the fashion statement, so this task managed 2 birds with one stone. The ones Julie bought were a fabulous leopard print!
4 - Have a пиво ("pee-va") "de route" in the afternoon. Drinking it on street bench is also an alternative.
There seems to be a rather strange "habit" for some people of drinking a beer while walking home from work... or sometimes it is ingested on the way TO work in the morning. 6am is the record for the earliest beer I've seen (and no, it wasn't at the end of that person's night - it was clearly the start of their day). What is equally interesting is that you can buy Gin & Tonic already mixed in a can. And they're actually quite generous on the gin!
5 - Watch the bridges "divorce" 
During the warmer months, the bridges along the main section of the Neva lift, or "divorse" which is the term used in Russian, to allow larger ships to pass. They start going up sequentially at 1:30 am and stay up until 5am. This is something that you learn quickly when living here - you don't want to be on the wrong side of the river when this happens! If not, it makes for a long detour to come back home!
6 - Try the following foods (some at a "typical" bistro):
__ black & red caviar
__ pickled herring 
7 - Uphold a Russian bylaw: drink a shot of vodka (водка) and follow by eating a pickle
As mentioned in the previous blog, pickles are used instead of "chaser" drinks after a shot of vodka. This isn't always done, but I liked it when our friend explained this to be a "by-law" of sorts.
8 - Take every form of public transit:
__ metro
__ regular bus
__ "K" bus - every time I get on one of these, I feel like I should be in some South American nation. Fortunately for that day, we all had seats. A lot of the times it is crowded and people are standing for the ride.
__ trolley-bus
__ trolley-bus 
Are there any bonus points for taking the ferry?
9 - Explain the "vodka cranberry" cocktail to a Russian and get them to have one 
This has only happened ONCE! My usual cocktail is a vodka cranberry. Great - Russians make good vodka and they also like "mors", which is cranberry juice. I figured I was set. Nooo... Every time I'd order a vodka cranberry at a bar, I'd get a glass of juice and a shot of vodka next to it. The looks I got as I poured the shot into the cranberry glass ressemble some form of seisure/allergic reaction. You're not supposed to "ruin" vodka like that.
This has only happened ONCE! My usual cocktail is a vodka cranberry. Great - Russians make good vodka and they also like "mors", which is cranberry juice. I figured I was set. Nooo... Every time I'd order a vodka cranberry at a bar, I'd get a glass of juice and a shot of vodka next to it. The looks I got as I poured the shot into the cranberry glass ressemble some form of seisure/allergic reaction. You're not supposed to "ruin" vodka like that.The only time I managed to get Russians to drink a vodka cranberry was in Vologda. Artem's Mom tried this and was surprised that it was actually tasty!
10 - Practice your spy skills: take a photograph in the metro without security noticing
For some reason, it is forbidden to take photos inside the St-Petersburg metro. They even included pictograms at the entrance of every station to make sure you understand this!
11 - Have your photo taken wearing an advertising sandwich board.
I never thought anyone would pull this one off, but it was a team effort by Mark and Fred who managed this one. Bravo!
12 - Dress like a Russian for an outing
*bonus points:
What makes this "inappropriate"? Well, this was taken in one of the parks, where everyone goes to cycle, roller blade or go for walks. The choice for those 4" heels is questionable given that it's all dirt and gravel paths in the area.
Now this one is a little hard to explain... These bags are everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. We couldn't figure out why these bags were so popular. What's the store? A cosmetic/pharmacy type place of all things.
As much as the pretty girls here like to pose for photos, they really like to dance - and nothing is better than dancing on bars/tables! There seems to be a HUGE market for go-go dancers here: they're everywhere! Not only in big nightclubs, but also in small Irish pubs!
This one wasn't bad - no tires and the mis-matched paint job on the panels. Julie's picture takes the cake (image to be uploaded once I have it): picture this but with all the windows smashed in. Yes, it was still parked in the street...
27 - Find the most quétaine paint job on a car
I'll give this first one points for creativity: Alice in Wonderland?!
The mini Mercedes was soooo cheesy, I would call it "fromage"
The Batman and Robin paintjob was pretty over the top!
The exterior is impressive, but the floor to ceiling mosaics that cover the interior are breath taking.
__ St-Isaac's Cathedral
__ Peter and Paul fortress
__ Smolny Cathedral
Strangely enough, Smolny was the sight closest to our apartment, yet our Canadian guests never managed to got to see the cathedral! We kept putting off the visit for one night after supper, but the rain seemed to always wait until then to fall.
__ The Kremlin
__ St-Basil's Cathedral
34 - Negotiate a good price for Matrioshka dolls from a street vendor
35 - Learn a "Russian tradition". Summarize it here: 
On their wedding day, a Russian couple places a lock that bears their initials on a bridge. The lock is supposed to represent their union.
Julie, who wins for the greatest enthusiasm for tackling everything we threw at her!
"Team Retarded" Fred & Mark (for the record - they picked the name themselves). They were a RIOT! I was impressed with how hard they worked to get through the list items. Though admittedly, I needed some time to recover after 2 weeks with these guys!
Bye bye and hopefully we'll catch-up soon in Montreal!
(i) walk more than 1km in >3" high heel shoes
I'd like to point out that it was -27 deg. C outside when this photo was taken. That's what I call supporting the cause!
(ii) in an inappropriate location
What makes this "inappropriate"? Well, this was taken in one of the parks, where everyone goes to cycle, roller blade or go for walks. The choice for those 4" heels is questionable given that it's all dirt and gravel paths in the area. 14 - Hail a car (instead of a cab) on the street*bonus points: negotiate a better price.
This was a very strange experience for me, which was definitely worth sharing with visitors. Left over from communist habits, is the fact that a random driver will pull over and offer you a ride if you look like you're searching for a cab. A price is negotiated, which is usually half of what a cab would charge, and off you go!
15 - Buy something from Рив Гош (Rive Gauche) and carry around the bag for the rest of the day.
Now this one is a little hard to explain... These bags are everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. We couldn't figure out why these bags were so popular. What's the store? A cosmetic/pharmacy type place of all things.
17 - Steal the show from the go-go dancer at TerraCotta
As much as the pretty girls here like to pose for photos, they really like to dance - and nothing is better than dancing on bars/tables! There seems to be a HUGE market for go-go dancers here: they're everywhere! Not only in big nightclubs, but also in small Irish pubs!
We had been eating supper on that table, but once our plates were gone we lost our spot for dancing space...
21 - Mail a postcard (this will be harder than you think!)
Why is mailing a post card complicated (like all other things here)? 1- you can only buy stamps at the post office 2- if you managed to get there within operating hours, the teller needs to understand (or want to try to understand) that you want to buy stamps. My worst non-communication moment was the second time I tried to buy stamps. It felt like I was trying to renegotiate my mortgage...
22 - Order (and receive!) French fries from a street food kiosk
We never managed to get French Fries, but hot dogs were an acceptable alternative at this Moscow stand. Dig in!
23 - Go on a Russian amusement park ride 
This one wasn't bad - no tires and the mis-matched paint job on the panels. Julie's picture takes the cake (image to be uploaded once I have it): picture this but with all the windows smashed in. Yes, it was still parked in the street...
27 - Find the most quétaine paint job on a car
I'll give this first one points for creativity: Alice in Wonderland?!
The mini Mercedes was soooo cheesy, I would call it "fromage"
The Batman and Robin paintjob was pretty over the top!
The winner for this will go to Erica for a yellow Porche spotted in Moscow (I'll upload the photo once I get my hands on the picture). The paint job? An eagle catching a snake.
29 - Document the worst parking job 
I liked this one because it's a Bentley that's parked half on the sidewalk
30 - Spot the best mullet cut / coupe Longeuil 
I have to give credit to Lisa on this one for spotting it. You know that mullets are popular when a store window MANNEQUIN has one!!!
I have to give credit to Lisa on this one for spotting it. You know that mullets are popular when a store window MANNEQUIN has one!!!32 - Go see a has-been group live in concert (as Russia is a place where once famous artists try to recycle their careers) 
It's interesting to see which artists make their way into Eastern Europe and Russia. Roxette, Ah-ha and Chris Isaac are all making their way to St-Petersburg in the next few months. Unfortunately, I was in Helsinki, if not I would have gone to see Billy Idol!
It's interesting to see which artists make their way into Eastern Europe and Russia. Roxette, Ah-ha and Chris Isaac are all making their way to St-Petersburg in the next few months. Unfortunately, I was in Helsinki, if not I would have gone to see Billy Idol! 33 - Visit the following sights:
__ Hermitage
__ Church of Spilled Blood (must visit interior)
The exterior is impressive, but the floor to ceiling mosaics that cover the interior are breath taking.
__ St-Isaac's Cathedral
__ Peter and Paul fortress
__ Smolny Cathedral
Strangely enough, Smolny was the sight closest to our apartment, yet our Canadian guests never managed to got to see the cathedral! We kept putting off the visit for one night after supper, but the rain seemed to always wait until then to fall.
__ The Kremlin
__ the Red Square (at night) 
__ St-Basil's Cathedral
34 - Negotiate a good price for Matrioshka dolls from a street vendor 35 - Learn a "Russian tradition". Summarize it here: On their wedding day, a Russian couple places a lock that bears their initials on a bridge. The lock is supposed to represent their union.
36 - Learn how to say "I don't speak Russian" in Russian!
There are a few last touches to make the experience authentic:
- a 30% deduction is applied to the total score! Taxes... taxes... and more taxes...
- the score required to pass is entirely at the discretion of the receiving WTR committee
- the form is stamped!
A few items from the list missing here, since I don't have photos for all. But for anyonw who will potentially visit, the original, Excel file version (yes, I admit that I am a geek) can be sent across ;-)
I would like to say thank you to my partners and participants on this little challenge!
Erica, a.k.a. Canada1, who was my first visitor from back home! It was great to have you in town!
Matvei, who helped in preparing the list. Like all spontaneous things, the task list started on the back of a napkin in a pub and then evolved (or rather, devolved?) from there.
"Team Retarded" Fred & Mark (for the record - they picked the name themselves). They were a RIOT! I was impressed with how hard they worked to get through the list items. Though admittedly, I needed some time to recover after 2 weeks with these guys!
Bye bye and hopefully we'll catch-up soon in Montreal!
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